This train is headed for

I am traveling on the train in anywhere northern England when the announcer for the train comes on the loudspeaker.

"Ladies and gentlemen, This is the train to northern England with stops at:




Bishop Auckland
Hartlepool
Tea Side
Cocks Wallow
Cocksure
Tweed
The town of Pity Me
Affpuddle
America
Apes Dale
Arpafeelie
Balls Cross
Barton in the Beans
Beer
Bummers Hill
Buttock Point
Clatter
Clock Face
Cold Blow
Cuckoo's Nest
Dull
Eccup
Four Forks
Friendly
Gog Magog Hills
Golden Balls
Gweek
Halfpenny
Hole in the Wall
Inkpen
Land of Nod
Lickey End
Lost
Nasty
Ramsbottom
Rotten Bottom
Seething
The Bastard
Titty Ho
Turdees
and Ugley....

Very funny